Saturday, October 4, 2008

But I Don't Wanna

Truly I am a selfish person, but I never realized the extent of my selfishness. I constantly give in to my desires and allow myself to become distracted from my relationship with God simply because there are things I want more. I'd rather relax and watch a movie then open my bible. I'd rather not set aside a portion of my day, no matter how small, and no matter what I'm doing, to help another person. I'd rather give in to the desire to sin simply for that little bit of pleasure. So how, when, does this selfish desire become overpowered with a consuming desire for God? Sometimes I tire of the struggle, which is ironic considering how often I just give up and cave in. Part of me truly does desire God and his will. For now the desire for myself is still stronger. I understand Ryan's analogy of the wolves and the stronger on being the one you feed, but as of right now my desire for God isn't strong enough to win out. So my struggle now isn't wrestling with God... But wrestling with myself..... Forcing myself to submit. I may never have that all consuming passion that Paul had, but being sold out starts with desire, and I need that desire. So which do I want??????????

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