Five Foot Thick!

K this will be TMI, but hang with it. Just under the little toe on my right foot I have a thick callous. Sometime in high school I decided to start cutting it off when it formed, and its actually kinda fun. Anyway, tonight Ryan talked about having a calloused heart, and it hit home. I still stand by my convictions that money doesn't fix things, and that we can never cure the worlds ills. Yet as I write this I can't help but think of how calloused I am. Taking care of the poor isn't about fixing their economic situation, it's about showing Christs love. I've truly failed in this. I've always felt there is some point where enough is enough, if someone won't help themselves, then shouldn't we say hey enough, I love you, but you're on your own? After tonight I know that's not the case. My job isn't to make people responsible, just like it's not my job to fix their situation. If Christ met me where I was, then it's my duty as an ambassador to meet them where they are.

Rich, Creamy, and Smooth

Okay, I promised I would write about the good in my life, so here goes.

1. I have been blessed with great people in my life, from my friends and family, too my extended family at work. For a long time I've struggled with a feeling of not being accepted, and looking at my life lately I've come to realize that God has truly blessed me with some great relationships.

2. In a time where nightly news reports talk about potential mass lay offs in the future I can't help but be thankful. I understand that having a job isnt important to life, but God has given me one, and it's one I love.

3. Even if I'm not a concert pianist or a master carpenter I do have skills that make my day to day life more enjoyable. I love music, and can even play some. I love food and am a decent cook. I love riding and though I wont win a Tour de France I have my favorite stretches of road right outside my window.

4. Life is a thing to be thankful for. Even though heaven is better being alive means God still has a purpose for us, and thats alot to be thankful for.

5. God's love is an oft overused answer, but it's true. The reason it's something to be thankful for is that all love we recieve is underserved.

Its not about money

this post was supposed to be about the good things about life, but there's something else on my mind right now. I just watched a video that said we need to stop being consumers, and start spending money helping those in need. It then went on to say that with only 10 million dollars we could provide the whole world with potable water. I have no problem giving money to causes, but money won't fix things. People want to cure homelessness, so they give allot of money towards buying old hotels and apartment buildings to fix up into hostels, that the homeless won't even stay in due to rampant violence and substance abuse problems. Engineers spend lots of time and money building reservoirs for villages in third world countries, only to have the locals use it as a watering hole for cattle, a bathing area, and a refuse pit. We have this wide eyed view that we can fix all the worlds ills. Truth is better men have tried and failed, and it's all because we as humans can't fix the human condition. We are sinners, and the only person who can cure us is Christ. As long as there is sin in the world our plans will never succeed, we will never cure our condition. Should we stop trying? No. Let's be honest though we need to try, but we need to be honest that things will fail, and therefore our focus should be sharing the gift Christ gave us. You want to help the homeless, don't try to cure it, go and help them yourself, meet them where they are. Go to Africa or India and boil their water for them instead of giving them your money. Christ could have cured the world, but instead he met us where we are, and gave himself for us.

Life Sucks

Usually I have a pretty even outlook when it comes to life. I don't think it's super great, and I don't think it super sucks. So to help myself with coming up with benchmarks I've decided to look at it on both ends. So the fun part first eh?

1. Work

I love my job, alot. The thing that sucks is that Robbie may be going into a home next month and I've been givin the opportunity to potentially be his one on one at the new house. There's a catch though. In order to work for the company I need to get my drivers license. Not only do I hate driving, but I'm major stressed because I need to get my app in before the process becomes official, and I have no license yet.

2. Church

I am now head teacher of our 3's class for second service and I hate it. I'm one of those people that likes to just do what I'm told rather then boss others.

3. Friends

I realize more then ever this year how much I've dropped out of a solid relationship with some of my good friends, and I don't like it.

4. Love

This time last year I was in love. I had met a girl I cared deeply for and after being together over 6 months I was certain that I would love to spend the rest of my life with her. Sadly she didn't feel the same and we broke up. After continuing the relationship for awhile hoping things would work out I gave up, we had a big fight and I haven't talked to her since. When we were together she was almost all that mattered to me, and now at times it feels like there's a void in my life. To top matters off I ended up being physically intimate with her, which made things so much harder. Now I have an emotional void, but also a desire for physical intimacy that I didn't have before.

5. Weight

Let's face it, I'm fat. I ride my bike everywhere, I eat less then my friends, I eat healthier then them for the most part too. Truth is I have lost weight, and I know I could do it again, but the desire to be thinner isn't more then my love for food. But like all Americans I want the body without the work.

6. I live at home

I really don't mind living at home, but I'm 22, so it feels weird inviting my friends to come hang out at my parents place.

7. God

I'm surprised I didn't think of this till last, but it makes sense considering. My relationship with God is not where it should be, but instead of meeting God where I'm at and letting him change me, I just keep going in the wrong direction.

My Fear Realized

Last night as I was tossing and turning, trying to go to sleep, I finally realized my fear. I'm afraid of being wrong. I have this fear that everything I know in my life might not be true or real. It affects my relationships with others, and it's why I keep God at a distance. I've known for a long time that I have this fear, but until last night I never realized how much it limits what God has givin me. Everythng I say, or do, starts a little arguement in my head, and I withdraw....

uhhhhh I forget

I know I had something deep God had shown me, but I always forget before I can get to my computer to write it down. These last two weeks have been crazy in terms of all the stuff going on. Yet for some reason I have no problem finding time to slack off, instead I've been sacrificing time in areas where I shouldn't. I've barely been in the word the last two weeks, and other then meals and at church I haven't spent any time talking with God. God has been faithful though even though I haven't. He's blessed me through my Sunday school class with the threes, he's given me great friends who help keep me spiritually connected in spite of myself, and he's given me great people in my life.

Anyways, tonight Ryan talked about a...... ummmm...... Some kind of activity he had to do in class. He encouraged us to think on our fears, and how we view God. Still not sure I fully know or understand mine, but I did learn something. I learned I am the prodigal son and I still have yet to return home. I've kept God at somewhat of a distance in my life. I know I don't like this, and I know what I need to do about it.... I have a long way to go before I get home to the feast.

A Whole New World

I really need to get out there more and be Christ to people. Back in highschool I was involved in work projects, would share my faith more, and volunteered at the church all the time. Now with my work schedule it's far more difficult. I work with Christians most of whom are more mature in their faith then myself, I really am a bit reclusive, and lastly ever since I started working full time it's like my free time has become super valuable. Truth is though God has called us all, and my free time is no more valuable then anyone elses.... So ya, I really need to get on the ball.